The Kt we loved

The Kt we loved
"I just might hurt you if you don't move that camera." — Kt

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Biting My Tongue

More and more I find myself biting my tongue in public.

I'm sure that sounds strange, but consider this common scenario: I find myself in an elevator with a young couple and their gorgeous little child. My first inclination is to say "He/She is beautiful", but I'm afraid it's going to come out with a hitch in my voice or a weird overtone, and make the parents nervous. Worse, they might ask if I have any children, at which point what am I going to say?

So I smile and nod and try not to look like I'm fighting demons. And after an hour or two of this, I'm done: it's time to go home before I lose it.

Even worse is running into people whom I know but don't consider close friends. They ask how I'm doing, and of course they want to hear that I'm fine, but I'm not. And I don't want to unload on them, because that isn't actually going to make me feel any better, and certainly won't improve their day. So I wind up saying "We're struggling" (understatement) and changing the subject.

On the other hand, occasionally I run into someone I know who is close enough that they "get it": they understand that of course I'm not OK, and really want to know how I'm doing today. These people are lifesavers, because I don't need to explain anything to them, and they have no expectations for me to fail to live up to.

Best of all, these people remind me of Katie's goodness and impact on so many people. Anyone who knows me is well aware that I'm not a "spiritual" person, but there's an energy transfer that occurs in these situations that some would put in that category.

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